Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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