I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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