he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
