i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
