I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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