yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize