YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
