My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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