i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
