Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
