even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
