im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
