i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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