I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize