I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize