I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
