He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Houston, we have a squirter
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize