someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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