I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
