Umm I'm too high to move.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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