Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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