I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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