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Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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