allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
