I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
