walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
