I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
