Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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