just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
