I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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