i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
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