So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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