You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
