I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize