I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
