Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
