do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
