I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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