ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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