yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
