Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
