I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
