so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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