I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Terrible idea I love it
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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