Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
