I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
