i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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