He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
zippers are such a cool invention
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
bring money and cleavage
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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