I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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