I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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