nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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