You made me cry and you don't even care
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize