my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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