hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
