So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
