i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
