just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
