I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
