don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
