sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
And then he peed in my hair
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