A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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