turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
