i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize