I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
