Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
