Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
