So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
