he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize