Umm I'm too high to move.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
